I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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