You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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