I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
