My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
