I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
bring money and cleavage
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
