I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
