Already got asked if we're dating
420 ftw
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
