I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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