omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
