I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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