i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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