My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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