Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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