She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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