Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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