Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
