I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Randomize