dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
