Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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