If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
