Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
