Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm at about main and main street
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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