I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
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She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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