I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Pooping to opera.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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