Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
