I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
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Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
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You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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