i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
this will be a night to untag.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
