god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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