you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
