They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You left your phone here
Wait...
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