Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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