I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If I die, sorry about rent.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
