i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
