I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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