i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
