she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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