is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
