i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
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He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
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Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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