the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
