Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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