Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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