it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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