My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
