I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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