Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
