I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
