she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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