i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
