i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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