Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
my poor anus
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
