she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
