I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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