i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
