How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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