living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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