I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
