how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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