I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
