I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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