you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
