So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
