wrigley field is MILF paradise
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
