Don't make out with my wife yet
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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