the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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