Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
A+ Viking dick
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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