my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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