The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
