He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have fence marks all over my body
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
