nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
