so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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