it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I smell stomach acid.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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