like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
