I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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