Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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