There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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