he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
